If you read that as: someone to have sex with… No, that’s not what I mean.
There are a gazillion posts out there on how to do that. Tonight!
There are another gazillion on how to find someone to hook up with.
Use them awhile for sex without love, then move on to use the next one.
I have no intention of assisting you to take either path.
Either one can ruin you.
Ruin your potential for real love.
Besides, you already know the answer! Go to the bar.
But…
Someone to love? That’s a totally different matter.
Is that what you want to do? Actually LOVE someone?
If it is, you’re in the right place here in the golden garage.
I would be happy to offer you some ideas on where to find someone to love.
Are you ready?
Let’s DO this!
Young love, first love
I was blessed to fall in love when I was fourteen. It was the making of me.
It happened just in time, before I took major losses.
The love this boy and I shared served to protect me from some of the impact
of those losses, and I will always be grateful for it.
We were in love for three years. It was a tender, innocent love.
Just kissing, holding hands, and sharing everything in our hearts.
We spent our summers at the same lake and wrote letters to each other all winter.
We planned to marry.
Though this did not happen, those three years allowed me to survive the next ten.
And even now, my tender first love experience continues to renew my innocence.
So I say: Genuine love early in life is an incredible gift.
You will always know the real thing! And how to rebuild it, if it gets lost.
They used to sing about this kind of love back in the 50’s.
It’s still the real kind.
Here is Sonny James in 1956 singing Young Love
So, what is real love?
As the song says, real love is filled with true devotion and shared with deep emotion.
The person you love is cherished.
But what does it mean to be in love?
Take the time to read my post What is love?
I explain that you aren’t in real love until you know who this person is
and you share their dream, and they share yours.
To love someone is to want them to have their dream
and to tenderly support their efforts to have it.
Thus if you are searching for a heart of gold, you must first become a heart of gold.
A heart of gold is giving and tender, and wants their beloved to have their deepest joy.
So how do I find this beloved person?
Someone who is trustworthy…
Who will cherish and value me, not use me…
Someone who will stand by me?
You search for a person who is able to love.
You will know that they are able to love because they are already loving!
What!? you say— If they are already loving, they won’t need me!!!
I don’t mean they are already in a relationship.
I mean they are already loving on other levels.
Look for a builder
A builder is a person who is loving on many levels.
She is already tenderly loving her mother, father, sisters and brothers.
A builder is already filled with deep devotion to others.
She is making a contribution in her community, in her school, in her work.
She is serving others.
Her actions demonstrate that she is capable of loving.
And she may be searching, just like you are, for a person to cherish.
So: Where can I find such a person–a tender builder I can build with?
Here are some places you will find a heart of gold:
Coaching kids’ athletic teams
Coaching kids with special needs
Tutoring children in reading, math, music, art
Creating learning activities for children in a museum
Teaching Sunday School
Volunteering in
vaccine efforts/transportation
health clinic
community food bank
homeless shelter
pet shelter
fire department
first responder unit
disaster relief
wildlife protection
Contributing to any of this work takes a great deal of love and devotion.
Think about the builders in your own community. You can probably add to this list.
But who is for me?
Now ask yourself: Which area—which kind of builders–am I drawn to?
Of those on my list, whom do I most admire and respect?
Learn more about what the builders in that particular area do and why.
Find where they are located, and what community events they hold that you could go to.
Prepare some good questions you can ask when you get a chance to talk with someone.
Examples:
“What do you love most about doing this work?”
“How did you get started in it?”
“Does it relate to something you want to do in the future?”
And have things in mind to say about why the work they love is meaningful to you.
Then get yourself looking your best and go to their community event.
Look around! Observe the women in their work, especially how they talk with people.
Notice those who are kind and who express themselves with loving words and actions.
If you see a nice young woman you would like to talk with, go over, smile and say hello.
Then go ahead and ask one of your questions!
Be brave. Actually talk with her.
Listen to what she says, and respond with interest, in a thoughtful and genuine way.
Love doesn’t fall from the sky, dude! Love is BUILT!!!
Give the young woman a chance to show you she has a heart of gold.
And if you think she may be hoping you’ll ask for her phone number,
pull out a piece of paper, write yours down with your full name,
smile and hand it to her and say:
“Maybe we could talk some more some time over coffee.”
Yes, it takes guts to find someone to love.
But this woman will be thrilled to have the chance.
QUESTION:
What kind of woman is your ideal? Who would you want to be a hero for?
I would love to know.
Write me!
Dr. Hall